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peeeeeeetA Killer Whale who is inexplicably President has given his first State of the Union Address to assembled representatives.
The whale, who has a vocabulary of five words, three more than his predecessor Donald Trump, began by saying "EEEEEEHLLOOOOWWWWWW" - to general applause led by his vice president and the leader of the House, both chimpanzees.
He then went on to outline his domestic and foreign agenda. "UUUUHHHHHNTOOOOHHWWWWWTHRREEEEEEAGH", he said, which many took to be a veiled reference to his opposite number in North Korea. Perhaps the biggest shock of his speech came when he turned his attention to the controversial topic of immigration, specifically his long-time antagonist towards "uppity dolphins".
He closed his address in more bipartisan form, saying "GOOOOOODBAAAAAAAAIIIYHHHHH", widely seen as a tentative olive branch towards his critics on the Democratic side.
Response to the address was split along party lines, however, with conservative pundits praising his hawkish stance, while the more liberal commentators, who had called on him to drop the adjective "Killer" from his species' name, expressed disappointment that he has not followed many in adopting the more neutral "Orca" identification.
Perhaps the most unique take came from Bernie Sanders, who opined, "Maaaan those were some good drugs. Peace out y'all."
The whale, who has a vocabulary of five words, three more than his predecessor Donald Trump, began by saying "EEEEEEHLLOOOOWWWWWW" - to general applause led by his vice president and the leader of the House, both chimpanzees.
He then went on to outline his domestic and foreign agenda. "UUUUHHHHHNTOOOOHHWWWWWTHRREEEEEEAGH", he said, which many took to be a veiled reference to his opposite number in North Korea. Perhaps the biggest shock of his speech came when he turned his attention to the controversial topic of immigration, specifically his long-time antagonist towards "uppity dolphins".
He closed his address in more bipartisan form, saying "GOOOOOODBAAAAAAAAIIIYHHHHH", widely seen as a tentative olive branch towards his critics on the Democratic side.
Response to the address was split along party lines, however, with conservative pundits praising his hawkish stance, while the more liberal commentators, who had called on him to drop the adjective "Killer" from his species' name, expressed disappointment that he has not followed many in adopting the more neutral "Orca" identification.
Perhaps the most unique take came from Bernie Sanders, who opined, "Maaaan those were some good drugs. Peace out y'all."
