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peeeeeeetSo earlier this month, the famous five, i.e. me, Barm, Melanie, Jonj and Laura went out for a meal to celebrate Barm's birthday. But that is where the factual part of this story ends. For yes, it is time for another MY DREAM. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: The Consequences Of Putting The Meat Of Five Guys Into Your Mouth All At Once, A Tragedy In One Act.
I dreamt that we were given the bill and it came to THIRTY THOUSAND POUNDS. And I was aghast but the others were not, so I asked them why and Barm said "Well, you said you'd pay since it was my birthday" and I was like "THAT WAS BEFORE I KNEW IT WOULD BE THIS MUCH" and Laura said "Well they were nice burgers and you did have a £750 bottle of wine to yourself". Jonj said "It's only one or your many bitcoins". Melanie said "I'm getting a bit hungry, let's get a sandwich while Pete works this out." The waiter comes over and says "Are you about done, I need this table, we're very busy" and I should have said "I'll BUY THE FUCKING TABLE, ADD IT TO MY BILL" but I didn't.
I spot Teddy from Bob's Burgers at another table and I think he's a burger expert, I'll ask him. He says "Oh they add a lot of stuff you can just cross out," and he takes me through it. Turns out there was £3000 for sponsoring a chimp in the Amazon, so I cross that out, sorry chimp. There is also a £3000 tip, and I'm like "I ALREADY PUT £2.50 IN THE TIP JAR!!!" so I cross that out. Satisfied that I have brought the amount down to something more reasonable I head back to the table, where I pass the other four, who have sat down and are ordering another burger and I am like "HAVE YOU LEARNT NOTHING? THERE'S A GREGGS NEXT DOOR!". Then I woke up (apologies to any reader who is against wokery) and made sure to get out of bed immediately so as not to risk slipping back into the same dream.
SO THERE WE HAVE IT. A premonition of the ravages of inflation? A salty commentary on the Salt Bae phenomenon? A warning to always agree to split the bill? WHICH?
I dreamt that we were given the bill and it came to THIRTY THOUSAND POUNDS. And I was aghast but the others were not, so I asked them why and Barm said "Well, you said you'd pay since it was my birthday" and I was like "THAT WAS BEFORE I KNEW IT WOULD BE THIS MUCH" and Laura said "Well they were nice burgers and you did have a £750 bottle of wine to yourself". Jonj said "It's only one or your many bitcoins". Melanie said "I'm getting a bit hungry, let's get a sandwich while Pete works this out." The waiter comes over and says "Are you about done, I need this table, we're very busy" and I should have said "I'll BUY THE FUCKING TABLE, ADD IT TO MY BILL" but I didn't.
I spot Teddy from Bob's Burgers at another table and I think he's a burger expert, I'll ask him. He says "Oh they add a lot of stuff you can just cross out," and he takes me through it. Turns out there was £3000 for sponsoring a chimp in the Amazon, so I cross that out, sorry chimp. There is also a £3000 tip, and I'm like "I ALREADY PUT £2.50 IN THE TIP JAR!!!" so I cross that out. Satisfied that I have brought the amount down to something more reasonable I head back to the table, where I pass the other four, who have sat down and are ordering another burger and I am like "HAVE YOU LEARNT NOTHING? THERE'S A GREGGS NEXT DOOR!". Then I woke up (apologies to any reader who is against wokery) and made sure to get out of bed immediately so as not to risk slipping back into the same dream.
SO THERE WE HAVE IT. A premonition of the ravages of inflation? A salty commentary on the Salt Bae phenomenon? A warning to always agree to split the bill? WHICH?
