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OK, FF XVI story completed. I have a LOT of thoughts. Let's get into it. SPOILERS AHEAD.

First, you'd better love the battle system, because there's nothing in the game but battles and jogging between dialogue scenes. No exploration, no puzzles to solve, no minigames.

I don't love the battle system. It's not too bad when it's quite contained, but at times it just becomes a chaotic jumble of particles, numbers, camera-whips and noise. Sometimes, including a lot of the final boss battle, I just spammed whatever was available and hoped for the best, because meaningful tactics was nigh on impossible.

Supporting characters can't be controlled (except the dog), but are fairly useless anyway. I didn't notice any meaningful difference between when I had a large party and when I was on my own as far as damage dealt / taken went. There was a good reason for this in XV because only Noctis had supernatural powers and his three buddies were only human. There's no such excuse here, as more than a couple of the characters you fight with have extraordinary abilities.

Clive, Joshua and particularly Jill are rather insipid characters (indeed there were times when I didn't even realise Jill was in the party, she's that low-key). The problem is, to use a phrase I heard recently and rather like, "they have no hinterland". In other words, they are focussed monomaniacally on their objective and care nothing for anything else. Tidus was a loyal guardian, but he was also a professional sportsman. Noctis liked to fish and pose for photos. Even Squall played cards. The span of the narrative is 18 years and in all that time none of them even consider doing any other thing. There's also a romance between Jill and Clive but to say it's a slow burn would be putting it mildly. Between Jill's vapidity and Clive's gruff demeanour, there's little chemistry that isn't forced.

That said, the story has strengths. The various other dominants and their different takes on being a dominant works well. Benedykta is a winning early villainess and Kupka is a good, memorable hard man. Dion is suitably tortured. Ultima himself is a nice creepy design, though he does rather love the sound of his own voice. And that's the big issue with the storytelling - infodumping. There's a lot of lore, a lot of jargon, and early on a lot of interchangable stock characters. They have worked hard to make it accessible - there's a connections timeline available that is pretty neat - but it's all rather tiresome. Thankfully, supporting characters such as Byron and, particularly, Mididol, arrive to liven things up. I suspect some people will lap up the "courtly intrigue" aspect of the story, but I expect on future plays through I'll be skipping a lot of it.

As for references to other games in the series, the two that stand out are XII and Lightning Returns, which should make me happy since they are two of my favourites. There are various little nods to XII, such as the Wall of Memories resembling the Sky Pirate's Den, or the notorious mark board being staffed by a moogle (sadly the only one). But most delightful were the little spinny tortoises. I didn't realise how nostalgic I was for little spinny tortoises. As for Lightning Returns, the central theme and several aspects of the last act of the story are very similar, plus at least a couple of sidequests are basically pasted from there (the "what makes a good knife" one in particular being virtually identical to the Gordon Gourmet sidequest in LR). But LR had more distinctive regions and a better integration of exploration and story, as well as a much more useable battle system.

And that word distinctive is important. FF has always stood out from other series in weirdness, but here, location after location are generic and forgettable, and - horror of horrors - even the music is very run-of-the-mill. It's not technically bad, but it could be heard in any middle-of-the-road movie or game series, perhaps the first time ever that's been true. Design-wise I'll make an exception for the Fallen architecture, which is distinct in its cool, geometric minimalism, but that's about the only place imagination has been employed. Well, it had to happen eventually. Tomb Raider, Resident Evil et al all sold their souls for mainstream appeal; even FF couldn't hold out forever. It's sad, though. For all that it had a weak story and janky-ass gameplay, XV was the only game in the world where four bros drove around in an open-top car listening to tunes and talking about back-seat fishing. I would hold out hope for the next one - after all, they're all different from one another and XVII may yet be the weirdest, quirkiest one yet - but as I'll probably be in my mid-fifties when it comes out, I'd better not hold my breath.

Also, I don't understand the ending. Clive appears to think Ultima was always doomed to fail (gee, thanks for making me play for forty hours then), seems to think smashing the origin will remove all magic from the world (why, when aether was embedded in the world and the crystals were sapping it?), then washes up on a shore somewhere unknown, then writes a book that implies everything was a legend (so magic was not just removed, but retroactively removed????). It's probably all something to do with primogenesis, but since that was never explained it's hard to be sure. Lightning made Earth and then got off a train in France SO MAYBE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, CLIVE ROSFIELD.

PETE TENTATIVELY GIVES IT: A SIX OUT OF TEN.
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So I just finished the FF XVI demo and I have THORTZ. Mild spoilers for the first hour or so of the game.

First: tis very conventional after the batty demos for XV. The Duscae demo was taken from the game but such an early point in development as to tell us very little, and the Platinum demo was a load of random nonsense that had little to do with anything. This demo gives us a short story that opens that game and it feels both complete and intriguing for the full game. That should achieve mainstream appeal but I do like how "Crackers Charlie" FF can get and this is not that. It's a pretty safe short game that fits in well with things like GoW Ragnarok. We'll have to see how it develops but at present it feels like one I probably won't replay every year for the next decade like I have with most of the recent ones.

There's a lot of cut scenes. You have a handful of ordinary fights and a few mini bosses but it feels like you spend a minority of your time actually doing anything and what gameplay there is is linear and lacks much tactical depth. Again, though, you could say that about the start of other games in the series, with XV really being the only recent one that gives you a lot of freedom from near the start. Perhaps my problem is that the story also seems rather conventional, high fantasy with a brutal edge; there's nothing as memorably strange as the zero-gravity water from the opening of X.

Story and tone wise it's a mix of XII and Type-0. Indeed, parts of it feel so XII that I feel like it probably should have been an Ivalice game (it actually might still be).

The best thing about the demo is summon vs summon, which I have been wanting since X. Indeed, we get Amano's illustration in the demo - one might almost say the demo is shaped around it - and it didn't really occur to me before that what we're seeing is a fight between two summons of the same elemental alignment which wasn't allowed in X (you couldn't, for example, summon Ifrit to fight another summoner's Ifrit, except possibly the dark Aeons which I didn't really bother with). The summon vs summon sequence is polished and cinematic, and while it's essentially a glorified quicktime sequence it works. Storywise though I'm a little confused on who exactly summoned Ifrit. It seems to be implied that Clive does, but then he doesn't seem to be controlling it? I guess that will all pan out in time. Despite the masses of cut scenes a few things were similarly unclear, for example who Jill is? Probably she's the little sister of Clive, but perhaps not?

Another interesting point is that quite a large amount of this opening was in that first trailer from a couple of years back, suggesting they've developed the game in story order, which might make the ending rushed (I assume that's why - or at least a big reason why - XV's ending felt rushed). In the meantime they've got a lot better at hair physics, Joshua's flaxen locks are almost Widdecombesque in their tousled golden amazingness. Wait a minute, he wasn't named after Josh Widdecombe was he????? Naaaaah

So that's about it, really. Polished, epic, cinematic, currently lacking in much to actually do. I do however want to know more of the story. A week and a bit before the rest appears in my letterbox.

Meanwhile, in other squeenix game news a DLC chapter came out for Forspoken. It involves Frey quantum leaping all Beckett-like into the life of a guard during the Rheddig war and it is very lovely. You get to play alongside Tanta Cinta for most of it, there is lots of good bantz with Cuff and a couple of laugh-out-loud moments. The backstory is deepened in ways that feel satisfying and make sense with what we already knew. Frey still has a potty mouth yay, though there are no new cats in this one, boooo. Anyway it ends with an intriguing twist that leaves me hoping further chapters are on the way. It's only a shame that "yellow magic" is basically a cherry-picking from the other colours rather than something completely new.
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Church attendances are set to decline thanks to a online swell of criticism of Jesus's perceived "wokeness". Experts are predicting that many churches will have to close as a result. Christ joins Fox News, Chick-Fil-A and Genghis Khan as things that are now considered too lefty.

The American Christian preacher Rockerfella T Clinton Jnr began the campaign with a tweet that read "Just heard Christ said 'turn the other cheek'! This kind of weakness points to estrogen poisoning, since we know a real man would have said 'guns guns guns guns guns'."

This prompted many Christians to read the bible for the first time, where they discovered more of the same. "Love one another, as I have loved you" came in for particular scorn for not explicitly excluding gays and Muslims and blacks and whichever out of women or trans are currently worse. Evangelical YouTube channel ToddlerWithAThesaurus posted a video called "Christ The Lord Could This Be Any More Stupid" in which he went point by point through the Beatitudes, rejecting every one. "The meek? Why should they inherit the earth? Are they a billionaire CEO? I think not!" he railed. "I call upon every true Christian to denounce this Christ."

But some think the movement has gone too far. Conspiracy theories abound that Jesus eats babies, has sex with children and worst of all, voted for Joe Biden. Fact-checking site WhyDoWeBother.com pointed out that Jesus was crucified two millennia ago, fully three months before Biden was even born.

God the Father declined to be interviewed but did issue the following statement: "We had hoped Jesus would continue the family tradition of cruelty, capriciousness and genocide but we understand he must pursue his own path and we wish him all the best. But yeah I totally heard he eats babies, pass it on."
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Spent an hour taking another perfectly adequate but different photo, submitted it, now I'm threatened with suspension.

WHYYYYYYY.

ANNOYED

May. 4th, 2023 02:08 pm
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So the Lego Ideas website has a weekly challenge and the current one is to build a band or singer or group or something like that. I submitted the attached image and had it rejected with the following:

---

Please make sure all your photos are:

Crisp and clear
Not too dark or too bright
Not too grainy
Not too blurry
Clear of background clutter (we encourage plain, neutral backgrounds)
Free of borders around the images
Remember you want to make a great first impression with your images toward potential supporters, so make sure it's easy to see your LEGO creation.

Please submit better digital images. We don't accept digitally edited photos or images with jagged, pixilated, or blurry edge lines cropping or compositing. Any text overlays need to be clear and easy to read.

---

(This was the second one I submitted and both were rejected - the first was basically the same but less zoomed in and the background was a little more out-of-focus and the black pieces a little less easy to see but I couldn't really see what was wrong with either version.)

I cannot FOR THE LIFE OF ME see how the picture I submitted breaks any of these rules. I am inevitably limited by the quality of camera and lighting that I own but even so I think the image is fine. What on earth is wrong with it????? This is the third time I've had something rejected for more or less bullshit reasons but at least with the other two I could sort of see what they are getting at. But this one? THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT.

FUCK THEM
Perfectly acceptable lego photo
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The singer Taylor Swift has launched a civil suit against the singer Taylor Swift, accusing Swift of plagiarising her songs.

"I heard a song on the radio called 'Boyfriends Are Awful' and I thought, that's virtually identical to my song 'This Relationship is Over'. The chord sequence was exactly the same, the overall structure was the same, the sentiment of the lyrics. It barely counted as a different song."

This caused Swift to go on a deep dive into Swift's catalogue, where she soon discovered more candidates. "'I am Dumping You Today' was another one with the same chords, tempo and arrangement. And then there's 'I'm Mad At My Ex'." Swift's lawyers say they have identified a total of thirty-six songs that are functionally identical.

But Swift hit back, saying "Every pop song is supposed to sound exactly the same as every other. There are only four chords anyway, or at least only four that are easy to do on the guitar." Swift launched a counter-suit against Swift, citing the emotional distress caused by the accusations and how it was similar to the distress of a messy breakup. "I might write a song about it, actually," said both Swifts.

The Artificial Intelligence ChatGPT said, "You want Taylor Swift songs? I got Taylor Swift songs. Fifty quid a pop. I got a million of 'em. Literally."

Forspoken

Jan. 30th, 2023 11:56 am
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I completed the story of Forspoken. It's probably the most fun I've had with a console game in seven or eight years. Thoughts:

1) The final boss is v. hard. I thought I was a bit overprepared but I still struggled.

2) The third act of the story kind of rockets past very quickly. It's not that it's rushed so much that you come to realise you're further through the plot than you thought you were. This leads to a sense that the game is kind of running away from you a bit.

3) There's a twist in the story that I wasn't at all sure worked, but I think it just about does. It's set up pretty well, and there's a decent red herring a little way before it that's enough to have you doubting what's really going on. But what it does do is take away one particular gameplay mechanic that's very useful until you kill the final boss, and although I can't see an obvious solution to that, it does seem a bit unfair.

4) Supporting characters have bad English accents. Dick Van Dyke bad. Thankfully, all the main characters are fine.

5) Frey and Cuff spend a lot of time ripping the piss out of fantasy tropes and video games in general and I love it. Frey is quick to point out that NPCs only talk to you when they want something. The game has an awkward "Yankee in King Arthur's court" thing going on that's quite charming. In particular, townspeople remain salty towards Frey even after she saves the world. There's one guy who names something in honour of her precisely because he knows she'll hate that. You can buy cat treats at this one shop and when you buy everything in the shop you expect some kind of acknowledgement but instead the seller just implies you're a crazy cat lady.

6) It's a cat lover's game. There are normal cats and magical cats. You can pet them all. The magical ones have outrageous backstories.

7) Combat is great; challenging but fair, and satisfyingly solid. You have to develop different tactics for different baddies and keep an eye out for their big attacks because they are usually quick and devastating. Early on you encounter slow zombies and then one of them will suddenly become a FAST ZOMBIE. And not just fast for a few seconds, no, when a baddie is charging at you they KEEP CHARGING.

8) There's a great idea whereby you are encouraged to use all of the different moves and practise your skills. This avoids a problem with a lot of modern games that cram in a huge amount of combat styles but you can get by with just a couple.

9) I'm still not sold on the lock-on mechanism which feels hit and miss. It's pretty much my only complaint about the combat though. Well, the d-pad is a bit sensitive so sometimes when you push down to use a health potion you accidentally push left or right also and switch magic styles. But other than that it's good.

10) The game is surprisingly light on side quests. There are some but most peripheral material is saved for stuff you encounter out in the field. There are different types of side levels including dungeon crawlers and timed challenges. It all plays fluid and fair. For example, you're allowed to leave the dungeons at any time and keep what you got rather than having to clear out the whole thing in one go (shades of Pikmin 2's underground lairs). You can level up your magic during a timed challenge even if you fail the challenge.

11) The environments vary in style, but not so much as to require vastly different traversal techniques. Whereas some open-world games tend to clump points of interest together between vast expanses of Bumfuck, this game seems to be entirely a patchwork quilt made from stitched-together Bumfuck. You will spend most of the time wondering where they hell you are, how you got there and where to go next. On the plus side, spreading points of interest out homogenously means you're never more than a minute's sprint from something to do. On the downside, it takes a lot longer to develop a familiarity with the regions. On balance I prefer this to Final Fantasy XV's more curated world.

12) I get old-school Tomb Raider vibes for the times where you're stood at the bottom of sheer cliff knowing you have to climb it and unsure how to do it. Contrast with God of War where there's only ever one way up and it's fucking signposted. This is not the first time I point out how much I hate the Uncharted influence of hand-holding traversal and long for a deeper challenge. Forspoken doesn't quite hit the bullseye on that but it's the closest for a very long time. Can it please be the first of a generation of such games.

13) Iwannagoplayitsomemore
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So I played through God of War Ragnarok, or as Sylvester McCoy would say it, "God of War RrrRrragnaRrrRok". It is pretty good yall. I can't remember how to do a spoiler cut so I'm just going to yell

SPPPPOILERSSSSS!!!!

and crack on.

So firstly, they should have called it GODS OF WAR. That is such an obvious title and much better than the bland Ragnarok, especially since the thing named Ragnarok in the game is quite a minor part of the story. If you translate Ragnarok as "Twilight of the Gods", it sorta fits elements of the themes, except that most gods make it to the end credits and the biggest loss in the story isn't even a god. If instead you translate it as "Fate / Destiny of the Gods" it fits better, but only with a layer of irony, and I would argue that fate plays altogether too large a role in the storyline anyway. Again and again it's prophecy this and seers that, yaaawn.

The next thing to say is that the more ensemble nature of the game works, perhaps more than I thought it would. It means there's more than one female character in the whole thing for a start off. But I do wonder if it should have been split into two games and the whole thing made into a trilogy. The third game could focus mainly on the Odin / Loki relationship which works very well but doesn't get as much development as I hoped. You never really feel that Loki is genuinely conflicted about his true loyalties, and there is endless scope for just that. The politics of Asgard is one of the most interesting parts of the game but a lot is off screen, such as the dynamic between Thor and his wife. The second game could have focussed on Angrboda, who plays a much smaller role in the story than I was expecting. What she does do is great, especially teaming her up with Fenrir!Garm later on, but it's just bits and pieces. The whole thread of searching for giant souls is pushed very much into the long grass after a big build up. Doing it this way would space out Atreus' development a lot more, making the games essentially boy -> teen -> man. As it is, the ending feels too abrupt and hurried for someone who is still supposed to be around what, fourteen years old? It just feels like the previous game developed slowly and deliberately and in this one there are oblique shifts of character and plot very frequently. The continued use of no cuts compounds this, meaning that Freya's entirely journey from trying to kill Kratos, becoming a Valkyrie, forming an uneasy alliance with Kratos, being reunited with her brother, losing her brother and forming a lasting bond with Kratos all takes place within - (looks at elapsed game time) - a day and a quarter. I mean, maybe you could squint and say that time passes at different rates in different realms, but it just doesn't really work.

Speaking of bits that don't really work, why did the mask suggest the final piece was in Helheim when apparently it wasn't???? When the trail went cold after Garm ran off, I was certain it was going to turn out he'd eaten the last bit and was going to cough it up just when all hope was lost. But no, they just went on yet another fetch quest and found it somewhere else. I think there are other glaring plot holes but the whole thing is so complicated I'd have to play through again to be sure. For example, they make a big deal out of how easy it was to persuade Surtr to join them, setting up that he might be working with Odin or even be Odin in disguise, but that doesn't really play out. Certainly when Brok suddenly started ranting about how everything made no sense and wasn't coming together right, I was kinda nodding along. But look, it's a good, character driven ensemble piece and too few video game stories are, so I'll give it a pass.

Onto the gameplay! A curse on whoever added unblockable attacks. And decided it should look similar to the finishing move signal, something that fucked me over many times in the first couple of hours. Kratos is too slow for the kind of block n' dodge Souls-like gameplay they're going for. He's much better at just charging in and hitting everything. The controls are hugely convoluted, switching between weapons is hard enough but you also have overloaded abilities, for example tapping R1 and holding R1 are different moves and the latter is levelled up via XP in the menus. By the time I started using anything but the most basic moves it was too late in the game to level up more than a couple, leading to me feeling underpowered even when I was overlevelled. I just don't see the point, really. Two melee moves, one ranged move, one or two magic abilities and a "limit break" move are enough for one character, especially when you also have two different AI companion commands to manage as well. The weapons and armour upgrade system is complex, as are the XP skill trees, and yet I completed the main storyline with little more than upgrading the first gear I got, and I never used the majority of XP-unlocked moves. (Atreus also finished the game with thousands of unspent XP points.) Maybe they come into their own on the hardest difficulty level, but even so it feels very over-engineered. Remember when games picked one thing to do and did that thing very well? I never needed customisable weapons or unlockable skills in the original Tomb Raider games. JUST SAYIN.

Speaking of t'Raider, there are several sections of exploring vast cavernous spaces which have a laracroftian feel to them. But the platforming is very simplistic. At any point there's only ever one or two possible routes and they are marked with runes, taking all the thinking out of it. The worst offender is when Atreus is scaling the huge wall of Asgard, a sequence that should require all my decades of platforming experience to beat, but instead is basically impossible to fuck up.

The puzzles are rather more involved and tricky, but some of the puzzle mechanics added this time around feel spongey and unfinished. Like, fire arrows would be SO USEFUL at so many points, and I KNOW YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE THEM because you fire one in the cut scene right at the end FREYA, I'M LOOKING AT YOU, but instead Kratos has to figure out a very convoluted sequence of arbitrary acts to get anything done. The number of times that something SHOULD work but just happens not to because you're not doing it exactly how the developers wanted is too damn high. The seemingly arbitrary angles of those magic mirror thingies being a case in point. Puzzling was done better in the previous game.

All this sound like I'm a bit down on it. I don't think it's overall as good as the previous one, but I think there are enough strong elements to make it well worth playing. It looks gorgeous, it runs smoothly, and there are lots of unexpected meta jokes about video games dotted around ("it's always in the third place you look!"). But the story feels rushed, the combat frustrating and the non-combat gameplay varies between too easy and too obscure, missing the sweet spot of the previous game. I do like the talking squirrels though.

I GIVE IT SEVEN OUT OF TEN.

Forspoken

Dec. 17th, 2022 01:07 pm
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Woo so a playable demo of Forspoken came out. Playable demos are kinda making a comeback after being so associated with magazine coverdisks as to die with the magazines, but to me there is no better way to assess the quality of a game, since reviewers are idiots and other gamers are idiots. Certainly since the first trailer people have been ragging on the voice acting - which is fine - the graphics - which are fine - and the visuals of the combat - which are fine, so for some reason - probably down to the reuse of the FFXV engine - people have predecided they're not going to like this one, whether it's any good or not. BUT IS IT?

MILD SPOILERS:

So the demo doesn't pick up from the start of the story but from what appears to be the first time you get to the open world. There's a brief tutorial of the main controls, but you need to dig into the menus to get the most out of the game since it's not really well explained that you have two different magic "types" and you can switch between them with left n' right on the dpad. Gameplay involves the usual wandering around, opening chests, picking plants, killing weird zombies and weird alligator zombies. There's a couple of ambush places which got my pulse racing even though I wasn't in any major danger. There's only really one genuinely tricky mini-boss who I *just about* killed on my second attempt.

I'm reminded, combat-wise, of Ratchet and Clank, in that you select different moves by bringing up a pause-wheel, and the emphasis is on staying mobile while a certain amount of aiming is automatic. This works for me though I found the lock-on mode hit and miss. As an aside, I think many modern games misunderstood locking on, since they tend to tie it into R3, meaning when you move the camera it either drops or moves to another baddie. But the whole point of locking on is to be able to keep aiming at one thing regardless of where the camera is pointing. It's not a deal-breaker but it does seem odd to me that so many games make locking on more-or-less pointless.

One of the selling points of the game during dev was magical parkour, and that element is there, in a way reminiscent of the neon power from Infamouses Second Son and First Light. I'm concerned that it's a bit too automated, and I hope in the full game it has more of an enhanced platforming feel, since at the moment it's a case of tap or hold circle until the thing you're trying to do either succeeds or fails. Speaking of Infamous, it looks like you steal or otherwise acquire other people's movesets similar to Second Son. Now to me, that didn't really work in Second Son since most of the powers were redundant or acquired too late in the game to make much difference, so hopefully that's not really true here. I hope the setting varies a bit more, too, as at the moment it's the standard "ruins of a once-great civilisation with dragons" type stuff. Frey comes from New York, so hopefully we get to go there later in the game and kill ghosts outside 8 Hook and Ladder and dragons on top of Trump Tower.

The banter between Frey and "Cuff" - her magical, well, cuff - is amusing and while it does repeat itself a little, that didn't bother me too much, although there was one moment when Frey suggested avoiding an enemy after I'd already started shooting at it. The dynamic between them is reminiscent of Kaine / Weiss from Nier: Replicant, though somewhat toned down. It's certainly not new to have the chalk player accompanied by a cheese support AI, but hopefully the banter will remain entertaining enough. Certainly the bantz in FFXV was one of the few generally praised elements of that game, and that was repetitive as ruddy hell. We're alive! Let's celebrate by eating something dead! Is Ebony really all that good? Clear skies, with the temperature rising. Then lose the jacket. Bit early for camp, isn't it? Hey, I got muscles! You just can't see em. Can't wait to try it! This is just like King's Knight! Talk about back-seat fishing! Sharp erryday! Now it's picture time! Take more pictures of specs. IN THE END I HAD TO CHANGE THE LANGUAGE OF THE AUDIO BEFORE I WENT MAD.

Anyway, the demo is pretty large - I played for well over three hours and didn't explore every last bit - and I had fun the whole time. I can imagine the fun waning if it becomes too much of a repetitive collectathon, but right now I'm definitely going to buy the game, so job done Mr demo.

Oddness

Apr. 18th, 2022 10:29 am
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Yeh so I got a facebook message from someone I don't immediately recognise that goes "Hey you. You were my first kiss!" I know what you're thinking. SPAM. Yes. EXCEPT, this doesn't look like a fake account, and we have a couple of mutuals in common. But equally, I don't recognise the name or the photo. But perhaps I don't recognise the name because it is a married name. But also WHAT?????? Like, WHAT??????? Could it be that the account of a normal person has been hacked? (I did get a weird message a while back purporting to be my uncle but that was deffo a fake account.) Or DID I KISS SOMEBODY ONCE???? WITH MY LIPS???????

This is all very strange to me

EDIT: She sort of looks like someone from school who had the same first name?
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So earlier this month, the famous five, i.e. me, Barm, Melanie, Jonj and Laura went out for a meal to celebrate Barm's birthday. But that is where the factual part of this story ends. For yes, it is time for another MY DREAM. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: The Consequences Of Putting The Meat Of Five Guys Into Your Mouth All At Once, A Tragedy In One Act.

I dreamt that we were given the bill and it came to THIRTY THOUSAND POUNDS. And I was aghast but the others were not, so I asked them why and Barm said "Well, you said you'd pay since it was my birthday" and I was like "THAT WAS BEFORE I KNEW IT WOULD BE THIS MUCH" and Laura said "Well they were nice burgers and you did have a £750 bottle of wine to yourself". Jonj said "It's only one or your many bitcoins". Melanie said "I'm getting a bit hungry, let's get a sandwich while Pete works this out." The waiter comes over and says "Are you about done, I need this table, we're very busy" and I should have said "I'll BUY THE FUCKING TABLE, ADD IT TO MY BILL" but I didn't.

I spot Teddy from Bob's Burgers at another table and I think he's a burger expert, I'll ask him. He says "Oh they add a lot of stuff you can just cross out," and he takes me through it. Turns out there was £3000 for sponsoring a chimp in the Amazon, so I cross that out, sorry chimp. There is also a £3000 tip, and I'm like "I ALREADY PUT £2.50 IN THE TIP JAR!!!" so I cross that out. Satisfied that I have brought the amount down to something more reasonable I head back to the table, where I pass the other four, who have sat down and are ordering another burger and I am like "HAVE YOU LEARNT NOTHING? THERE'S A GREGGS NEXT DOOR!". Then I woke up (apologies to any reader who is against wokery) and made sure to get out of bed immediately so as not to risk slipping back into the same dream.

SO THERE WE HAVE IT. A premonition of the ravages of inflation? A salty commentary on the Salt Bae phenomenon? A warning to always agree to split the bill? WHICH?
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I just this minute finished have an extreme vivid dream about the future of Doctor Who that I would like to share with you now.

Firstly, the announcement came as a complete surprise and came in the form of two clips, shown after a full episode, from completed scenes which had special effects and everything, so somehow they'd slipped this completely under the radar.

Once scene had CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON back, playing a new Doctor. He wore a bright red anorak(!) and his Doctor was closer to his insta persona, i.e. a bit quirky, wholesome and random.

BILLIE PIPER WAS ALSO BACK FULL TIME.

But get this: THERE WAS ANOTHER DOCTOR in the second scene. It wasn't clear whether Ecc was in it like Sylv in the TVM, just at the start, or whether there were two Doctors throughout. I feel like the implication was the latter.

The title of the first episode was announced as NEVER MARRY A DOCTOR.

The scenario of the second scene was that the new Doctor was in a glass elevator with another time lord, played by someone like Adrian Lester. The Doctor? She was played by a British Asian actress. At first I thought Rakhee Thakrar, but overall she was younger, a bit less pretty, and a whole lot gobbier. I don't think it was a "real" actress but think a young Shobna Gulati. Anyway, it turned out this other Time Lord had settled down with a human and raised a family and the Doctor was VERY VERY KEEN to find out how that had all gone, to the extent of bombarding him with questions. However, while all this was going on, all hell was breaking loose outside the elevator, aliens invading, people running screaming, etc, and these two were oblivious to it until the end of the scene when the elevator glass gets smashed.

Two other things. There were little androids about a foot and a half high who I think were little butler type things.

There were EVEN TINIER DALEKS. (I think this scene was supposed to be from a remaining Jodie episode cos it was a full storyline and it ended with a cliffhanger before the other scenes were shown). They were the size of literal pepperpots, but they didn't look like toys as the design was slightly different; they had a more rounded base and no knobs on the skirt. They also didn't shout exterminate although one said "we obey no one" in a very deep gravelly voice. It was established that even these tiny things had enough firepower to kill a human. (I like these and might put em in a fanfic.)

So there we are? Have I hit on a series of miraculous predictions? Will Ecc be bacc? Will he marry the girl, Doctor? Was Adrian Lester a future Doctor? Will Gallybase criticise Shobna for being too gobby by half? Will they say she needs more GRAVITAAAAAS? Are these tiny Daleks unstoppable? Did one of them literally roll off Terry Nation's typewriter?

WHO NOSE? (Taps Tom Baker's nose)
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Lone Echo II finally came out with minimal fanfare. How is it? Not so great!

MILD SPOILERZ!!

Lone Echo was a revolutionary VR game. Playing a robot in zero gravity, the movement system was intuitive and not nauseating, and your ability to interact with your environment was straightforward and offered a rich involvement with the various parts of the game. It should have been VR's killer app, since it was one of the few major titles which simply wouldn't work as effectively outside of VR. But despite many people being stuck at home last year, VR never quite snowballed the way it deserved to. Now, the sequel four years in the making which was originally slated for 2019 comes out and reinforces the idea that the powers that be - Facebook, in this case, who bought out Oculus a while back - have lost interest in pushing the space into new territory.

So what we have is more of the same. The formula of the first game is adhered to closely. In the first phase, you and NPC Liv collaborate on restoring power to your outer space habitat. In the second, you venture outside to Saturn's rings on your own, mainly to do a bunch of side quests. In the third, you are still alone, in a cramped, hostile alien-infested environment. In the fourth, your reunite with Liv and attempt to heal her from the ailment that has debilitated her in the meantime. The above rundown fits both games so closely that you see several twists coming a mile away, though even if the formula did deviate, the basic plot of the sequel is such a sci-fi cliche that if you've watched any TV or films in the past forty years you've seen variations on it many times. The only major new character has potential, but the voice actor gives such a lazy, phoned in performance as to greatly reduce his effectiveness. I'm not saying the story is without any merit - the charming banter between Jack (you) and Liv remains believable and there are some touching interactions towards the end - but it's not worth waiting this long for.

None of which would matter if the gameplay was first class, and indeed, by changing almost nothing about it, the game is at least playable and fun for the most part. You do get a couple of new gadgets towards the end, but they're very much of the point-and-shoot variety. Combat is dreadful - there's only one type of enemy who poses any immediate threat, and its AI is literally "move in the direction of the nearest power source", making the various puzzles in the game pretty basic and quick to solve. The overall challenge is further reduced by characters prompting and hinting if you so much as take a few seconds to explore, experiment or get your bearings. Indeed, there seems to be a lot more chatter in this game; many times I was sat still waiting for dialogue to end so that I could move on to the next task (there's no shortcut), which in VR is a pretty boring thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I was engaged and happy through pretty much all of it, but after what a jaw-dropping, unforgettable experience the first game was, this was rather meh. It's as if, after releasing Sgt Pepper, the Beatles had gone away for four years and the album they came back with was 90% remixes of the Sgt Pepper tracks.

Well, I say engaged and happy; the final fly in the ointment was the game's performance. Now, I have a decent PC, with a graphics card that cost over £400 a few months ago, and yet I could only run it successfully at the lowest settings, and that was only *after* doubling the amount of RAM in my system. Prior to my RAM upgrade, I would frequently get meshes and textures that were *PS1* standard, frame rates that sometimes dropped to single-figures (and that is a *real* killer in VR), occasional crashes to desktop and frequent long loading scenes that triggered seemingly arbitrarily in the middle of gameplay. After the RAM upgrade, the frame rate was still lowish but playable, meshes and textures were still rather rudimentary by today's standards, and the loading interruptions and occasional crashes continued. At what point are the hardware requirements for a game so unrealistic as to make it unprofessional to release the game in that form?

So a big disappointment, then. Not an awful game, by any means, but a big nail in the coffin of current-gen VR, and that's a crying shame.
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I got a PS5. RTD is making more Doctor Who and JMS is rebooting Babylon 5. Perhaps humanity is stuck at the end of a record, the needle just going round and round. Who knows. Observations about the PS5:

It is not that diff from the PS4. It is really more of a PS4.2 or something. Yes, I noticed that baked reflections were higher res, and of course loading times are very fast indeed. But other than that, there wasn't the "this is a NEW GENERATION!" feel like going from PS1 to PS2 or PS2 to PS3. Honestly, the PS3 still holds up. I replayed FF XIII-2 recently and the only thing that ages it is the frame rate drops in places. Also whenever they do a close up on someone's hands they have weird sausage fingers. One thing about the PS5 is that they automatically record 14 seconds of video when you get a trophy and I wondered why I had so many recordings when I hadn't manually made any. I can imagine this filling up the drive after a while if you don't go in and manually remove them, and the interface hides a lot of options beneath layers of menus (even quitting a game is about three menu layers deep).

The game I played was RATCHET AND CLANK: RIFT APART and I'm afraid to say it was a chore to get through, and is probably tied for my least favourite of the series with either Quest for Booty or Nexus (I haven't played QfB for a while). Gameplay wise, aside from a newly spasmodic camera, the series has barely evolved since the second or third game; combat consists of strafing around having let loose two or three auto-aim thingies and is generally towards the bullet-hell side of modern combat rather than the cover-sniping of Naughty Dog / Tomb Raider. In principle I prefer this more kinetic, less repetitive style but familiarity eventually breeds contempt and this is the point at which I think I've had my fill. What's frustrating is that there were several obvious ways in which the combat could have been freshened up, which we'll get to shortly, but the general timidity and anxiety of AAA budgets - "we spent five years on this, we must not do a single thing that might piss off any player" - has again paralysed imagination.

SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT:

So, where does the game come in, storywise? We must assume that the Quark-narrated reboot is uncanon, since the developers have gone back to the last PS3 games and carried on from there. This assumes you are familiar with the PS3 arc, which involves a maguffin called the dimensionator and the idea that every Lombax who isn't Ratchet is hiding in another dimension. Now, I'm all for an arc, and I do accept that at present this arc consists of only three full-length games and two short ones and is thus not *that* long-winded, but it did begin around a decade ago now and it is perhaps time it was resolved. Rift Apart ends on pretty much the same cliffhanger that at least one of the previous games ended on, which is whether or not Ratchet will actually go find the Lombaxes or not. I don't mind in principle a Hamlet-style dilemma, but I do wish he would make up his mind once and for all. Actually, I thought he had; the premise of this game is that, having decided he WASN'T going to find the other Lombaxes, Clank built another dimensionator somehow and intended to give it as a present to Ratchet for some reason, but Dr Nefarious stole it? So, honestly, it's a fake premise contrived only to force yet another revolution of the record.

Ah yes, Dr Nefarious. In his first game, the third PS2 one (they have subtitles, or at least in the US they did, but like Bond films they're all a bit interchangeable), he was a hilarious spoof of cheesy villains, with a clear and comprehensible plan and a wonderful foil in Lawrence, his sarcastic valet. I accepted, grudgingly, when he was retrofitted into the reboot (and the movie), even if it meant the film couldn't decide whether he or Drek was the true antagonist; but this is an appearance too far. He's predictable, two dimensional and dull, dull, dull. Having surgically removed all the satire and parody of the earlier games, he is now exactly what he was originally lampooning. It's as if they made an Austin Powers film that was serious and emotional and Dr Evil was treated as a credible villain.

While I'm hating on characters, RIVET. OH GOD. The series doesn't do spectacularly well with female characters, but this is the nadir. Entirely without distinct personality or background, she spouts predictable dialogue throughout. Angela Cross was a scientist, a spy and a goofy klutz (and had the subtle joke of being the only person in the universe with a normal name), and she wasn't even playable. There is no excuse for how lazy and pandering Rivet is. Especially since, with every other "variation on an existing character" they put effort into pointing up the differences. Captain Quantum is a pirate pretending to be a robot, for heaven's sake. Rivet reacts the same as Ratchet, says the same things, and as for gameplay, has the same moveset and loadouts. Throughout the game you alternate between the two, but you don't *feel* like you're doing that, since they are identical in every way that matters. Why not instead have them fight alongside one another, like Atreus and Kratos in God of War, or like 9S and 2B in Nier Automata? Like those games, one could focus more on melee, the other on range or defence. Then the differences and similarities could develop in an organic way. As it is, there's honestly little reason for both to be in the game.

Thankfully that's less true of Kit, Clank's counterpart. With headlamps that look like cute little bunches, she is rather adorable, but where she really scores is in her backstory, which takes elements of Clank's - that he was built in a warbot factory and was supposed to be gigantic - and remixes them in a suitably emotional and character-forward way. Yes, it's predictable as all hell, and everything about the way she interacts with Rivet in the second half is contrived, but it's something. In fact, if this had been the Ratchet-meets-Clank storyline in the reboot, it could have worked really well, adding back the conflict between the pair that was a key part of their dynamic in the first game but dialled way down in every subsequent one. I almost wish this had been a Rivet and Kit-only game with Ratchet and Clank as NPCs, and effectively made it a soft reboot, rather as Star Trek XI was, where the story is back-to-basics but in a way that had echoes and shadows of the past. What if Rivet has been searching for the missing Lombaxes herself all this time, and Ratchet's dimension is the first one to offer any hope at all? But wait, that would be imaginative, fresh and challenging, so obviously it was never going to happen.

Also, the Clank puzzle sections in this game are TEDIOUS AS FUCK.

PETE'S DEFINITIVE RANKINGS OF THE RATCHET AND CLANK GAMES THAT HE HAS PLAYED:

1: R&C 2 (Going Commando) - some neat improvements to the core gameplay including a better strafe, more interesting Challenge Mode and the addition of a battle arena. The Tribble-inspired storyline was fun, developing characters nicely from the first game, and the locations are nicely varied.

2: R&C 1 - aside from the points above, it's amazing how much of the core gameplay is in the first game, including giant clank sections, clank-controls-little-bots, grind rails and swingshots. A little rough around the edges but still fantastically playable, and in its later levels, a real challenge. Also note the difficulty level is often down to some very complex platforming, rather than just endless levelling up of weapons (though there is a lot of that too). Really memorable (odd) score, too.

3: R&C Future: A Crack In Time - The best of the "Future" series, the ability to fly your ship around the solar systems adds layers to the gameplay and it all feels smooth and seamless. The Clank-only sections are memorable (if a little laborious) and the overall storyline is strong, with a great guest character in Alistair Azimuth, though I'm not keen on adding more significance to Clank's existence than had already been done.

4: R&C 3 (Up Your Arsenal) - much more combat focussed than the first two games, I like it but I don't always get on well with its more streamlined, less exploratory gameplay. However the story and characters are amongst the best ever - Courtney Gears for the win - and the return to the environs of the first game is neat.

5: R&C, i.e. the PS4 reboot - fans do not seem keen on the reboot. I think it's fine and some of the changes are probably for the best, such as speeding up the tedious "disguise yourself as a robot" bits from towards the end. If it vanished from existence I probably wouldn't miss it much, though.

6: R&C Future: Tools of Destruction - the first PS3 game has visual polish and memorably daft robot pirate ghosts but not much else going for it. In particular this marks the point at which bullet-spongery becomes a hindrance rather than just an irritation, which certain points at which you must make multiple trips back to a vendor because you ran out of ammo partway during a fight.

7: R&C Future: Nexus - short and playable enough, Nexus's big gimmick was zero-gravity stuff, meaning more complex use of the magneboots, though it doesn't make that much difference overall. The first, I believe, of two games where I couldn't be bothered to complete the game in Challenge Mode.

8: R&C Rift Apart - OK, we're putting it here. Tedious characters, predictable plot, same old gameplay, but it does at least load very quick, so there's that.

9: R&C Future: Quest For Booty - look, I can't remember anything about this one. I know it's short, and Talwin and those two doddery old bots are in it, and it has good music. Probably it is better than Rift Apart and maybe Nexus too, but not any of the others, and certainly it has no memorable gameplay mechanics that I can bring to mind, so for now, down at the bottom it goes.
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Hey there, PRIDE MONTH IS OVER, mainly it was a month of bad sofas. Anyway something odd happened. You know the thing about how bis can't sit down properly? NO? Well it is a thing. Not sitting down properly is bisexual culture. (TECHNICALLY, claiming something arbitrary as bisexual culture is bisexual culture, but that doesn't stop me playing Panic! At The Disco tracks on Beat Saber. Speaking of which? I am great at Beat Saber. More on that in a MOMENT, lest this become like a Ronnie Corbett monologue). ANYWAY, there is a YouTube video listing bi sitting positions and I humbly submitted one in the comments AND THE BIS HAVE LEAPT UPON IT and it is my most popular comment ever and ever day I get tons of new notifications of people going "OMG I AM DOING THAT RIGHT NOW" etc. And it is a bit unsettling but also adorable. But I would like it to stop now. But also I have another one which is "kneeling backwards on a swivel chair and doing the Twist with your arms" which I'm sure we can all agree is the biest of all sittage but I am scared of getting them all worked up again.

BUT YES Beat Saber. This is a VR videogame that is very popular (4 million sales apparently) but I put off getting it for a long while because I thought it might not appeal to me. But instead, it turns out to be PERHAPS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD. Basically, you use your controllers to slash through cubes that come towards you. It is very simple but there are lots of mods such as speed ups and a 360 degree mode to spice things up. It plays beautifully, everything about the interface is joyful and even though I'm not keen on most of the songs (it is mainly EDM), many of them are still fun to do.

One thing it has is global leaderboards for each song and I keep getting better and better at it. When I first got it I was around 50,000th in the world but soon climbed to the high hundreds. Then I spent some time practising TECHNIQUE because there are certain things such as slicing the cube dead centre or having a long follow-through which gain you bonus points, and NOW I am getting positions in the 40-60 range. For some songs I'm in the top twenty, though this is often paid DLC which I presume has a smaller userbase. My best ever score was SECOND IN THE WORLD at DON'T CHA by the PUSSYCAT DOLLS, but I noticed the other day that I had been pushed down to a lowly THIRD. Anyway, I think this is the best I have ever been at anything (certainly objectively, anyway) and I wonder if I should get into eSports, which as a Yorkshireman I would be required to pronounce EEEE, SPORTS, with a wry shake of the head if I missed a single note. Anyway I am working back through the earlier difficulty levels to try to improve my scores and I have a single trophy outstanding. I know it is one I can get because I came very close in practice mode, but it is an annoying level because you have to do it with one hand only which is tiring. Anyhoo I have been playing for two to three hours a day which is extremely exhausting but is probably doing me some good.

Anyway, Beat Saber is now top of my list of THINGS. Here is the updated list:

1) Beat Saber
2) Middlemarch
3) Suede before Head Music
4) Season 26
5) Final Fantasy XII
6) Cheesecake
7) Red, red wine, the booze not the song
8) The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars

So there you have it. TAKE THAT, GEORGE ELIOT.
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So ages and ages ago I started watching Neighbours FROM THE START. Then it got taken down from the YouTubes and I stopped. Then I found it on Daily Motion and resumed, and I have now reached...

EPISODE ONE HUNDRED!!!!!

Yes, I realise that is not a large number given that there are nine billion episodes in total, but still, as it is a milestone, here is a rundown of where we are:

Des is sharing with Daphne and they are adorable. There are hints that Daphne is jealous of Des's fiancee but her meddling is rather sweet and in general they are my favourite part of the show. (They also have the house that has changed the least in 35 years, which is nice.) I like that despite Daphne being the most glamorous cast member the show doesn't treat her stripping job as pure titillation. They are perhaps the part of the show that is most recognisably the same as the GOLDEN ERA of '88ish. Des is quite a subtle character and not at all the buffoon he has been in his recent appearances (yes, they brought Des back!!!)

The Ramsay house is very familiar but it's current inhabitants, Danny (a teen boy) and Maria Ramsay, are less iconic than Madge and Harold. Danny is the slightly likelier of the two likely lads, the other being Scott Robinson who is a bit colourless and not really anything like his later Jason Donovan version. Maria is a kind of Gloria-off-of-Modern-Family young European wife to Ozzie Bloke Max, who I vagely remember from when I started watching. Max has his rather sensitive side and can be the funniest character (he gets punched in one episode and his fall is Delboy-through-the-bar levels of amazing). Max and other son Shane have moved out. Shane was a character who hung around quite a while, but he's not in it very much at present, and I keep forgetting he's dating Daphne. Of these characters it might have been nice to see a return of Max and Danny later, overall the Ramsay clan improved a lot in later years.

The Robinson house is very familiar too, though it's hard to believe that out of all its inhabitants, Paul would become the longest serving. At present he's a bit generic and Stefan Denis is phoning it in a little. Luckily the girls make up for these lacklustre boys. Original Lucy is AMAZING, a smart-alec spitfire who's always sticking her adorable nose into everyone's business. I can sort of track the character to Modern Lucy even if the actresses look completely different. But Best Girl goes to Julie. You might recall Julie returned with new husband Philip Martin and kids Hannah and Another One, but I think I can safely say that neither Later-Julie or Later-Philip were anywhere near as good. First Julie is wonderful, an emotionally generous fussbudget, equal parts Lucy From Peanuts and Charlie Brown Also From Peanuts. Later Julie, from what I recall, rather lost the more sensitive side, and Later Philip was never quite as tortured as Original Philip.

Then there's Helen and Jim, who are just instantly perfect and the best actors in the whole thing. Jim is Everyone's Daddy and I am very surprised to find him hot. Helen is the perfect grandmother, taking everyone's problems as seriously as they deserve but no more, and the rest of the time happily getting on with her own things. That mainly leaves Terry: she is a Charlene prototype in that she is Max's plumbing assistant and is constantly in overalls and being tomboyish. She just got engaged to Paul, but I can safely say that she is not a CLASSIC PAUL WIFE. In general I think the show does well to round out the characters and avoid stereotypes, there could have easily been conflict between Max (working class) and Jim (bit posh) but they are mostly friends with the occasional bit of friction. It's just that some of the teens / 20s characters need a bit more body, but this is definitely something that got addressed in later years. I'm amused that the show's tendency to burn through storylines was always there, there's one about a kid who is always riding his BMX in the road (hashtag just eighties things) and Jim tries to dad him a bit and his actual dad is all like YOU MAY BE JIM ROBINSON BUT STOP DADDING MY CHILD and then the kid is killed off screen by a car and the very next scene is AFTER THE FUNERAL when the kid's dad say to Jim WELL I GUESS YOU WERE RIGHT TO DAD MY BOY AFTER ALL, OH WELL and then that is IT for that storyline. I love it.

So with the above in mind, here are the EPISODE ONE HUNDRED CHARACTER RANKINGS:

1) Daphne. She is amaze
2) Julie. She is too pure for this world
3) Lucy
4) Des
5) Jim
6) Helen
7) Max
8) Terry
9) Danny
10) Shane
11) Paul but I suspect he will climb in subsequent charts
12) Maria
13) Scott, he will also climb but probably only one he gets his Jason Face
14) The dog (not Bouncer) that they forget about for literally dozens of episodes at a time

Other observations: it's mainly these three houses and occasionally the bank that Des and Julie work at. The wider community doesn't factor in it much, though Des's mum is a bit of a Mrs Mangel prototype. There is no Lassiters or Erinsborough High (in fact I'm not sure they've even said the word Erinborough yet). Scott has got a job at a coffee shop but I don't know if it's THE coffee shop.

I think I am about halfway to the BIG REBOOT. I am trying to guess what was the first episode I saw, I'm fairly sure Max was still in in when I watched it during the school holidays. Anyway, BACK TO DAILY MOTION FOR MORE THRILLS AND SPILLS.

Recipehs

Mar. 9th, 2021 05:55 pm
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I ate food. This food:

All-In-One Beef Stifado Orzo Stew

I don't trust Orzo. It looks like rice, tastes like pasta (because it is), and looks like maggots when it swells up in a puddle in the sink next morning. This said, a tomato, beef and onion stew is probably the best thing to do with it since your mouth will think it is Bolognese. You have to start it on the hob and then transfer to the oven, and I wasn't sure if I had a suitable receptacle for that, so I did it in a pan first then changed to an oven-proof dish. This worked fine, but it could do with something like a panko crust on top just to finish it off.

Smoked Mackerel and Pickled Red Cabbage Salad

This is quick and easy since the mackerel and the butter beans merely need warming up. It's a bit of a weird combo, though, with apple slices in the mix. If I made it again I might leave out the apple.

Creamy Sun-Dried Tomato and Cavolo Nero Gnocchi

This was delish, even more so because the Cavolo Nero - which turns out to be KALE IN DISGUISE - was replaced with spinach due to shortages. I like pan-fried gnocchi and the mix of Soya and Chinese rice wine didn't sound promising but was very nice.

Warn Halloumi Salad With Green Tomato Dressing

How far can you get from salad until you are not salad? This involves grilled pepper and courgette with pan-fried tomato, red onion and halloumi, and a dressing made from chutney, lemon juice and much olive oil. It was VERY AMAZING. Finally, the human race has solved salad!
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 "I don't think I made it too hard, I think God made people too rubbish" - my subconscious when developing a game. WHICH IS WRONG OF COURSE, PEOPLE ARE GREAT, LOVE YOU GUYS <3
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The late feminist Mary Wollstonecraft has added her voice to the call to tear down statues of historical figures.

The writer and Mary Shelley creator joined the cause when she saw today's Guardian.

"This is all wrong," she said. "We shouldn't celebrate people who were slave owners, or misogynists, or who stood on top of a Mr Whippy."

This comes after a summer in which many titans of history have had their reputations called into question. "We may be right in celebrating Winston Churchill's efforts against fascism," Wollstonecraft continued, "but when we learn that he stood buck naked in a park, covered in silver paint and sporting a big old minge, we knew it was time to draw the line."

But others spoke out in defence of retaining such statues, such as the loser and friend to losers Nigel Farage. "Great living women are usually immortalised on page three of The Sun," he said. "This is little different to that, though they're usually at least a C-cup."

When asked for comment, Cristiano Ronaldo simply said, "FINALLY."
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Spoooooooilerrs. Well, not really, who the hell knows what it's actually going to be about? Anyway:

The darker tone was reminiscent of Type-0, and the knight armour a little similar to the judge's armour from XII. That suggests it could be an Ivalice game, which would be very nice since XII is my fave lol

The combat so far seems to be one character at a time, like Lightning Returns but unlike every main series entry (well I suppose in XIII and XV you only directly controlled one character at a time). That, if it holds for the whole game, will be very controversial with fans but probably less so with main players. The combat itself read well, I think, less visually chaotic than XV.

Cannot be sure who's doing the music but possibly Yoko? (No, not that one). There's a string quartet version of the FF main theme and a very brooding and brassy take on the Prelude. I think it's the first time the Prelude hasn't been all tinkly and sweet, which adds to the likelihood that the whole thing is going to be grimdark.

General lack of female characters so far, which suggests XV (which, let us recall, began life as a spin-off before being promoted, and thus has an excuse for its woeful* female cast), and also a a generally human-based population. If it is an Ivalice game I hope at least for a Viera or two. Another thing that suggests XV is the main character aging during the game from, LET US GO OUT ON A LIMB AND ASSUME, a hot-headed spiky haired youth to a cynical, battle-scarred veteran.

It looks like summons are called "icons" and perhaps summoners are called... hang on, I've forgotten... ah yes, "dominant". We also see summons fighting summons, which I think hasn't happened since X? Certainly doesn't happen in XII, XIII or XV that I recall (I suppose you might be able to a summon an Esper to fight an Esper in XII, the Espers were all so useless that I never bothered to try). I personally like Summon vs Summon, it was a cool aspect of X that is overdue another go.

Dunno when it will come out. Certainly not in the next 12 months, but they have hired a localised voice cast and got Amano to do a logo already, so it might not be THAT far away.

Anyway yes, consider me cautiously excited

* Yes, OK, except Aranea, satisfied?
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